What's different here?

That's right! Very good! No nasal canula! (that's the tubey thing going into her little nostrils.) Know what that means? NO BOOGERS. I'm very frigging pleased to see the back end of that thing, let me tell you.

We had Mary again today, and it was happily uneventful. Randy held her first, then went home because the kids were arriving; I pumped and then held her, and then the kids came in. Max held her, Eli just stroked her with a finger. It was fine. Max got a ltitle scared when Penn had a little brady, but all it was was the poor kid needing a poop, and one glycerine suppository later, she did. Wahoo.

She was very sacked-out today. I'm figuring it's a little harder to breathe without the nasal canula so maybe she's more tuckered out. We didn't try any more breastfeeding, but she got fed every 3 hours today and that continues to go well. Now if I could just keep up with her, milk-wise, I'd feel a lot better; in a supreme moment of irony, my ginormous orbs have decided they're strictly for show, and aren't producing more than a pathetic unappetizing dribble no matter what I do. I'm not engorged. They're just being assholes. So Em's getting me various potions from Whole Foods and I'm going to try, I dunno, meditating and relaxing and whatnot. I don't know how I could get more relaxed -- I sleep 8 hours at night and have a hot bath every evening when i get home from the stupid hospital, what the hell's my problem? I'm not the one sleeping in an isolette with an IV in my foot.

Anyway, yeah, so in case you didn't notice, my state of mind is not the best. I guess I'm bummed that Husband goes back to work on Monday and I don't enjoy having the kids around at the moment. I really just want everyone on the planet to dry up and blow away, unless they are directly taking care of me or Penn or running for President. I'm so awesome! I love everybody. No seriously I do. la la la

let me just count my blessings: Penn is having a great day. She's breathing totally on her own. She's in a room with other lively kids who are all doing great, rather in the scary quiet room. I have a great husband with whom I'm still in love as we go through this, and we have each other's best interests at heart. I have been able to heal from childbirth safely at home while the best baby-nurses in the world watch my kid. And Obama's up, up, up in the polls. So I'll just power through and I'll see her again tomorrow. Okay.