You can not tell me this is not a smile

People, this is not gas. I know gas. I am intimately acquainted with gas. And senator, that is just not gas! It happens when she's faced with a nipple and/or her dad's voice. And when I touch the side of her face just so. If you're going to persist in the notion that that -- that punim -- is the result of farty feelings, then up your nose with a rubber hose.

Penn continues to get more active, more charming, and stronger, but dammit, she's still testing positive for the candida albicans. She can't get the nicer, deeper IV till that's vanquished. And I'm not so sure about feeding her, either. I think they have to wait before they put anything in her belly. As of today, they still weren't re-starting her feeds.

Which led to an odd thing. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but one of the things they do with preemies is "recreational breastfeeding." right after the mom pumps, they put the baby to the breast so she can try latching on; Penn is a champ at this, and in fact may have actually managed to get some down her hatch before she got sick (developmentally, she is not supposed to be able to figure that out yet).

Anyway, since she started feeling better, she has been absolutely desperate to start feeds again. She likes it, she loves breastfeeding, and she makes it all very obvious by opening her mouth and rooting and kicking up a fuss when she smells my milk (like when I pump by her isolette). Today, I was doing kangaroo care with her (skin-to-skin holding), and she just kept shoving her head toward my nipple -- she's strong, and she knows what she wants. It's instinct. Also instinct: my giving it to her. I let her latch on just for a few moments, figuring my production's so crappy she wouldn't get anything, and she could do it before...

ah well. The nurse was kind about it, but I really wasn't supposed to do that. Apparently, when they have a fungal infection, milk in the belly can lead to a bodywide infection, which is what we've been trying to avoid. If any of my milk leaked out into her mouth and down her throat, it could -- I dunno. I don't know how bad it could be, or how seriously I have to worry about it. They are getting a platelet count tomorrow, some blood test or other, and if the platelets are high (or low -- honestly, it's hard to keep track of which direction all these numbers have to go) then it'll be OK for her to feed and it won't matter. "Just cross your fingers," the nurse said, which is what I've been doing all along. I hope it's okay, and it's hard to imagine that my milk could be so dangerous. And honestly, I really defy any mom reading this blog to resist the instinct to put a baby to your breast when she's asking for it.

Geh. As if I weren't worried enough about having given her this infection somehow in the first place. Or about not having handled the milk properly, and that got her sick. Or just -- you know, I'm already paranoid. But apparently about the wrong things.

Eh, the golden retriever in my soul swears she's going to be fine.

Anyway, the numbers: Her culture from 11/10 still shows yeast. She's completely off oxygen, as you can see from the picture! She had here eyes and kidneys checked for fungus/yeast -- all clear, though they may check again in the days to come (the eye exam she "tolerated well," according to the nurse's notes).

As for her weight, at birth she was 1570g (3 lbs 7 oz), and today she was 1830g (4 lbs and change), up 40g (almost an ounce and a half) from yesterday. The street value of my child is just collossal!

Dammit people -- where is my milk?!?!