I'm talking about the genetic testing, but I'm not saying what I would do if something came up. This is because I don't know. When I think about the testing, I'm thinking about finding out everything is fine -- as I mentioned, that's how I roll, emotionally.
A close female relative announced on the phone to me that "you don't want to raise a Down's Syndrome baby." Now, that may well be true, but it's so outrageous to me -- to just say that to someone, anyone. And this has come up over and over with this person: What testing are you doing? When? Why not? In the context of my saying the doctor thought my 8 week pregnancy was a 10 weeker, she said "Oh, so you'll do the genetic testing two weeks earlier." Boundaries?! Appropriateness?!
As unbearably stressful as it is for me to be nagged about this, I do understand that she just wants to know all is OK. As do I. I asked a pal what testing she did, and she said she did ALL of it, hit me with lots of supportive numbers, and ended by saying "But I'm the kind of person who has to know. You may feel differently."
I'm no Amy Richards. As much as I defend anyone's right to abortion, I am way too terrified of the retaliation of insane assholes to admit to anyone -- even an anonymous blog -- that I selectively reduced, let alone ended a pregnancy due to bad genetic test results. A pal of mine in super-liberal Maplewood, NJ said she wouldn't even tell people the real reason for a "miscarriage" like that. She knew several couples for whom this would be a friend-dealbreaker. And while being that judgmental would, for me, be equally dealbrakey, I do understand the value of just getting along with people, even insane assholes.
Bottom line? Jury's still out on what I'd do. Anyway, first doctor's appointment (okay, she's a midwife, but she's in my doctor's practice) is in two days. I'm champing at the bit.
(And wondering how much lead-time I have to give my boss on doctor's appointments. She's being so picky and impatient with me lately, even though she knows my situation -- but she's been on vacation since last week. Did I wait too long again?! Ugh, I hate this.