Wednesday, June 11, 2008

So far I really like it

I realize that I'm in the halcyon days of my pregnancy, so of course I like it. Nobody is kicking me in the gall bladder and I can see my toes just fine. When I feel fat, I can just remind myself that I am SUPPOSED to be swelling and it's okay. When I feel tired, people tell me that in 3 weeks I'll have enough energy to go back to the gym, and that for god's sake, I'm growing an extra set of fingers and toes so take it easy. It's like I'm Pregnant Lite.

Nonetheless, despite the tired, the fatigue, the need to eat, the hysterical crying during Knocked Up, I am really enjoying this.

I'm not sure I should say this out loud, but being pregnant is a lot like being stoned. I can't remember anything, food tastes AMAZING, and I've got hot pants for my fiance like nobody's business. I remember Pamela Anderson saying pregnant sex is off-the-charts amazing, but I thought she was just full of crap and desperately anxious to appear sexual in the wake of becoming a mom. She was telling the truth!

I don't know -- i can't figure out the biological reason for all this pregnant passion. It makes sense that I voraciously attacked him when I was ovulating. (People complain about the boring every-damn-day sex of trying to get pregnant; i had no such experience. I was so switched-on, my libido was as reliable as my clearblue easy digital fertility monitor.) But why now, when the deed is done?

My fiance says it's to make up for the sex we won't be able to have later. I'm so anxious about post-baby sex (or lack thereof), that theory doesn't sound so crazy, but I have a different theory: The cavewoman knew she'd get unmanageably big, very soon, and would need the dad around to help her gather tasty weevils and berries. Not to mention putting together the stone crib from Rockea. Those of us who unfurled previously unknown depths of passion in the first and second trimesters were the ones who survived -- because our panting mates weren't about to leave us alone with any other cavemen.

I'm telling you: pregnant horniness is a biological imperative.

wow, this post just spun right out of control. I'm so sorry, Sluggo. You will need lots of therapy.

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