it's been hard to motivate myself to post! is that because I'm at 12 weeks and can finally talk about this offline with more than my intimate inner circle? or have i hit some mystical mark in my pregnancy, where Pregnancy Lite becomes plain old Pregnancy? The last few days, I've felt sluggish, nauseated, and much crankier than normal. Today was absolutely impossible -- I almost started crying from exhaustion at my desk.
Then again, that could be because I was up an hour earlier than normal to get to a doctor's appointment, which lasted for 2 hours and involved heavy-duty emotional lifting, before racing to my desk to think about... book clubs.
There's also the fact that there are wildfires not five miles south of me, for days now, and the smoke is making itself known in every pore and nostril of the city. Wildfires! Where I come from, the only wildfires are when a mobster's Buick mysteriously bursts into flame just off the BQE.
Or is it just that I don't want to talk about the genetic testing anymore, because it leaves me feeling overwhelmed and stupid?
It comes down to this: I'm sure the invasive tests (CVS and amnio) are harmless, but the very idea of them fills me with dread -- not that I fear the pain, but that I have a sudden, animalistic fury that anyone would come near my baby with a needle. I'm torn: Do I trust my gut (er, literally), or fight against what's surely about as nonsensical as pure superstition?
It seems to me that the quad screen will rule out enough that I don't have to do the needle tests. But for g-d's sake, why am I so resistant to a simple medical procedure? I wish I understood my own motives better.
Anyway. No gym today, because I felt so vile. In fact, I got home from work and had a 2-hour nap, so I'm probably going to be up till dawn now.
Oh! I have an awesome video of the ultrasound... some of it involving me poking Sluggo, who today felt like a girl, to see if she would push back in response... and I am much too shy to put it up. I. Am so. Fricking. WEIRD!!