Monday, September 8, 2008

White guys are pricks

Ever wonder what kind of guy sits on his butt while a woman whose center of gravity is in constant flux almost beans herself on the floor of the bus because he can't rouse himself enough to help her out? 

this kind.

I've been doing the same unscientific study that every pregnant woman who depends on public transportation does. It's called "who's the biggest prick?" and we all play it. In fact, a really nice woman who gave me her seat the other day -- and who works as a disabled-rights advocate -- flat-out asked me who the biggest pricks are, and I indicated the two white guys, sitting in front of the blue "give up these seats" signs to the left of the BART doors, whose outstretched feet I'd had to climb over to get to the seat she offered me. "It's always guys who look like that," I said.

Before you go all "poor widdle white guys" on me, and invoke some sad Michael Douglas shit about how hard it is to be a white guy in these dark days of affirmative action and uberzealous feminism, let me ask you this: Do you want a lapful of puke? Because I seriously almost passed out on the train this morning. So while you might feel well within your rights ignoring me, but the practical result, regardless of your rationization, could easily be barf-stained Dockers. 

Besides, some of my best friends are white guys! (no seriously, that's actually true. i'm really open minded.)

Look, there are tons of groups of people who I can count on to stand up and give me a seat:
  • Hispanic men
  • Black men
  • Asian men
  • Women of any hue or age (they reach across the train to pull me into the seat and practically tuck me in)
And there are two groups of people who are guaranteed to either stare at me with some kind of Tom Leykis-fueled smirk or gaze assiduously away from the belly in their faces, in a clearly uncomfortable neck-craning position. (See above for both types. The smirk! Can you believe the frigging smirk on that guy on the right?) 
  • White guys
  • Crazy people
So if you're sitting on public transportation and you're smirking at a pregnant lady who looks like she's about to throw up on you, and you've never been 5150ed, you might be a white-guy prick

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