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So, I guess it's time to go public with this: Penelope's going to have a little sister in August.

Am I surprised? Yes. Thrilled, but surprised. Never let anyone tell you breastfeeding is birth control. Not that I thought it was, but I DID think that being 42, having had trouble conceiving the first time, and hardly having sex was. Turns out: not so much. (Sorry for the TMI, parents. I mean dad. There's no such thing as TMI with my mom.)

Am I worried? Oh hell yes. Truth be told, this is not my first time around the pregnancy block since having Penelope. (I know. I'm a slow learner.) I was briefly pregnant last summer, which ended without much fuss in September. I barely processed it. I could win Olympic gold at denial. So I basically spent the first 10 weeks of this pregnancy going "Yeah, well, we'll see." In fact, at my first meeting with my new doctor, she said, "So, you're pregnant!" and I literally said "Yeah, well, let's see." Then I heard the heartbeat and burst into tears. IT IS SO MUCH FUN TO BE ME!

Anyway, I have switched OB-GYN practices, to the one that delivered Penelope. The doctor who delivered her has moved to Oregon, like half of the rest of this kooky state, but a gentle and friendly front-desk nurse steered me to another doctor, also specializing in high-risk pregnancies, and also awesome. I am very happy with her. She's bossy, well-informed, and as worried as I am.

Unlike the fucking healthtards at my old OB practice. WHen I called to tell them about the last-summer pregnancy, the midwife dismissed my worries completely, saying "Just beause you had ONE high-risk pregnancy doesn't make this one high-risk." Uh. I delivered at 30 weeks and nobody knows why. Maybe you could muster up your concern between your pitches for your hemp home-birthing kit and your anti-epidural speeches, BITCH. OOPS I LOST IT. Happy now?

But I'm not bitter.

Anyway, back to the task at hand: Keeping this baby in me. I'm taking a supplement called DHA, which is omega-3 fatty acids, and I am going to do home injections of something called 17P alphahydroxy progesterone. I am fighting with my insurance to get it covered. It's not prohibitive, but it ain't cheap; at the same time, it's a hell of a lot less expensive than the $2500/day isolette. Ya dig?

As you can see, I'm already obsessing over details rather than big-picturing anything. That's how I roll. I'm taking this one week by week and hoping for the best. I'm so happy for Penelope, that she'll have someone to share the burden of having a crazy mother with. I hope they are as close and loving as me and my sisters are.

Anyway, away we go again!