Sunday, January 11, 2009
The one thing every mom agrees on is that after the baby comes, your priorities shift, and you find your voice. Where before, you might have just put up with a certain amount of crap because, well, you don't like to make a fuss, when the baby comes along, you make the fuss.
So, do your teeth come out in a nice way, or a hysterical way? That's the question. It's great to find your voice, but you really have to hope that it's not a high-pitched screech.
I was never particularly easygoing, but I'm surprised at the amount of buffer there actually was between me and utter meltdown. Now that there's none. And yet. I think a lot of that buffer, such as it was, I built up during some years of strife in a bad relationship, and Penelope's forcing me to slough that off and start over.
Ruh roh. It sounds like the vibratey-chair nap might be over.
Wait, maybe I have a couple minutes. The thing about Penelope right now is: she's definitely more than a newborn (more than a newborn to me! da-nuh, nuh, nah-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh...), but still clearly not twelve weeks old, either. The preemie books say that she'll catch up in spurts, and there's no predicting when or how that will happen. But I feel like such a dummy when people ask me her age. Saying "two weeks, adjusted" just gets me blank stares, but "well, she was a preemie, so she's twelve weeks old but two from her due date" is too much information.
One thing the books said that really rings true is that her senses are going to be way ahead of her physical development. This is absolutely clear. She looks, focuses, even briefly follows things with her eyes. When her stepbrother says "turn your head to me," she does, and I really think it was on purpose -- though wobbly and jerky. (Not that she understands "turn your head to me," but that she hears something she'd like to have in her field of vision, and turns herself toward it the same way she turns toward light.)
It's a little frustrating, when her pal Ronin comes over, and i see him smiling at his mom, even though he was born two weeks later than miss p. i can't wait for her to smile bck. i'm so afraid it won't happen 'til i have to go back to work. and it'll be so strange and wild, after this extended newborn phase, to see that, oh yes! she has even more to say and do.
nap's over, if you couldn't tell from my typing. this exquisite, stupendous creature and i will head up the hill to see the dogs.